New Post - 9/27/08

I didn't know what else to call this post. Its been almost three months since my last post, and there is so much to write about, so okay, let me just get into it.

In my last post on July 4th, I spoke about my new film, Explode. Well I am glad to say the film has wrapped principal photography and is in the can. We shot it in seven and a half days in September.

I held a casting session on August 28th for some of the principal roles, started shooting on Sept 9, and wrapped Sept. 25. We shot a few days a week, around my work schedule.

I'll write more about Explode's production in a future post. I think it could be a good read for anyone who wants to make a small movie with no money and no crew. (I had a crew of six, and some of them were only on the film one day.)

But for now, to my cast and crew, I can't thank you enough. Your participation in the film was remarkable, and means so much to me. I couldn't have made this film without the help of the amazing Kris Cahill, who took time away from her painting studio to help produce this film for me, Rita Hausberger, my DP, and Leila Perry, my wardrobe designer and costumer.

To Joe Estevez, Circus*Szalewski, and the other 21 actors with speaking roles in the film,(24 speaking parts in such a small movie!!!!) I can't say enough how much I appreciate your participation and what a remarkable job you all did under such difficult conditions.


When I started planning this film, I didn't expect to start a new career, finally hanging up my server's apron. Did I find a job in the entertainment field like I was looking for? Did I land a studio production job? No, not yet, but if anyone from a studio is reading this, I'm still available and ready to start tomorrow; no, I started a new career as a car salesman. A what? That's right, you heard me, an automobile car sales professional. I thought it would be interesting, and I hoped I could make more money than waiting tables. Hey, if you are in So Cal and are looking for a new or pre-owned vehicle, drop me a line.

So a new job, lots of uncertainty in the market, a collapsing economy, a contentious election, a world in turmoil, and what do I do? I make a small dramatic feature on credit cards. I am a nut, but a film nut who just has to do my own thing, make my own art, and not let anyone tell me I can't.

September was also a busy month for me as an actor, in that two films I shot in the last year were going to have premieres. One, the long anticipated The $179.92 Movie, premiered last Thursday in Hollywood. It was fun to see, and my three scenes looked great.

The other film, the much bigger Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge, is calling itself the worlds most expensive and comprehensive adult feature in the world! With a cast of sexy superstars, Pirates 2 is already the most pre-ordered title ever. In fact, the movie is so popular, they are releasing an R rated version as well.

Tonights red carpet premiere and media event at a classic movie palace in downtown Los Angeles is going to be a blast. And guess what? You can see my character, Blind Ed, in the trailer - twice! Yeah, I'm in the trailer. First time a role I play is in the trailer for a film. But not the last time, I can tell you that. Here is a link to the Pirates 2 website, where you can see the trailer, but be warned, it is a XXX adult site.

So as you can see, its been a pretty busy month.

But I have time for more. So if you want to hire me to direct a feature, produce a feature, or star in your upcoming feature, please contact me. I'm ready to go.
Until then, I'll just keep working on the edit of Explode, and all the other projects I have going on, like the Kiss From Calcutta webisode project we start shooting again in October, and more ground breaking ideas from my fertile and creative mind.

Enjoy the trailer, and I'll be writing more soon about Explode and the whole production process, with photos and post production updates.

That's all for now,

Noel

Like a bad penny - I'm back!

Hey you all, how are you? I'm back again to fill this small box with words and ideas. Happy fourth of July to you? What are you doing today? I'm going to work, cause I'm free to work as much as I want. Hurray Amerika!

Thinking about so many things since I last wrote - months ago.

Very excited about Barack Obama being the democratic nominee for President. What a primary fight that was. I'm totally down with that. Really hoping that universal health care is in all our futures. Can't wait to see who will play at the inaugural dinner.

I've been thinking about trying my hand at stand up comedy. been going to see a few shows at The Improv on Melrose. Working on some new material now.

Also, and this is the most exciting, I'm getting ready to make a new movie. I'm writing, directing, producing, starring in, and composing the sound track. I'm gonna do it all and showcase my talents. I am going to take Hollywood by storm and NOW is the time! The film is called Explode! and its an existential crime thriller. I call it "Of Mice And Men meets Waiting For Godot meets Reservoir Dogs". Its gonna rock. I'm shooting it in August and hope to have it finished by the end of the year.

As an actor I have three films and a webisode in the can, completed, that I hope you will all get to see soon.

Okay, that's it, enough for my first day back. Off to work soon. Have a safe and happy fourth and remember democracy starts with you - tag you're it! Do something.

Restaurant dress code - High on Crack.

Hey all you hipsters out there, I got news for you. Wearing your pants low on your hips so your butt crack shows when you sit down is passe. Hitch up your pants when you sit down would you?

I was having a wonderful evening out with friends the other night, when just as our meal ended, a hipster couple comes in and sits down across from us. The male of the couple has his back to me and I can't help but notice his butt crack smiling at me from across the aisle. Eww! I don't want to look at that!

I wondered if there was a polite way to tell him his butt crack was hanging out in a public place, but I couldn't think of one. Like when a guys zipper is down, you say, "Your barn door is open". How about, "Excuse me bro, but your skinny ass is hanging out of your stupid perma-press plaid pants". Or, "Hey, are you a plumber?"

I wanted to take a picture, but instead I drew a picture on a napkin. I think I'm going to try to market it to restaurants worldwide. Maybe it should be posted next to the NO SMOKING signs. What do you think? Let's end this crack epidemic now. Crack Kills!

Day 9

Hello Everyone,

I'd like you to take a minute from your working out and stretching so I can tell you about mine. Today is day nine of the 30 day workout plan. I have been diligently working out everyday and I really feel the difference. I dropped two pounds and I feel great. It is becoming something I look forward to now and it really is habit forming.

If I was to do a commercial for working out, would I have to have the slick sounding voice over person come on and read the disclaimer?

"Warning: working out everyday can lead to better health and stamina, constant feelings of euphoria, restful sleep and great energy. Some exercisers have reported weight loss, mental clarity, loss of appetite, increased sexual desire, ability to stop taking pharmaceuticals, better breath, solid stools, renewed friendships, increased work promotions and more laughter. Other side effects may include more money in the bank, lack of fear and anxiety and longer life expectancy. Please consult a doctor before starting any workout regimen. If your doctor says you can't do it, find another doctor"

Now, back to your workout.

Cause I'm The Tax Man...

I was cast in a very fun video shoot as HR, as in HR Block, the tax preparation company. Seems they charge quite a bit for their services if you want a Refund Anticipation Loan (RAL). This documentary on RAL's by Karney Hatch will explain it all, in under five minutes, so you don't get taken advantage of. I had a lot of fun doing it and I hope you like it too. Check out Karney's other work at Current TV.

30 day workout program - begin!

Day 1: April 14, 2008

Last year I participated in a 12 week workout program and I was very impressed by how much weight I lost and how my body changed in such a short time. 12 weeks is a short time, when compared to how long I spent talking about doing something about my weight.

As I wrote last year, and discussed at great length in previous posts, in twelve weeks I lost 20 pounds and 15 1/2 inches overall and was feeling great. However, when the program ended, when I no longer was obliged to attend regular workouts under the watchful gaze of a coach, I stopped working out regularly.

Sure I worked out, but no longer 3 to 6 times a week like I did during the program. If a week went by and I didn't go to the club, I'd chalk it off to being really busy. If a month went by, I would tell myself it was okay because I stretched a few times at home.

The result was that since the program ended 10 months ago, and I gave my testimonial and took my beautiful "after" pictures, I put back on seven pounds. That is almost a pound a month. You do the math and figure out where I would be in two years, or five years. No, can't have that again. The yo-yo effect is a very real phenomenon that people who struggle with their weight have to deal with. I have dealt with it all my life. I have a small frame, but if I am not careful, I can pack on the pounds really quickly.

Fortunately the size 31 pants I bought still fit, and the seven pounds don't show a lot, but I knew I had to do something.

The key to success in making changes in your life like weight loss or working out are commitment and accountability. It has to be to yourself, first and foremost, but getting others involved can be very helpful.

For example: Last week I worked out two days in a row, and I felt good, so I decided to extend that and see if I couldn't make a big change again in my toning. I decided that I would workout thirty days in a row, just for the hell of it, to see what happens. Would I lose weight? Would I tone my abs again? It was worth a try, as no matter what happened I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. (Or seven pounds to lose and abs to gain).

Then I was talking to a friend of mine, and it hit me, what if I suggest he do the same thing; that he join me in a thirty day workout? That way we could feel a sense of community and responsibility to ourselves and each other. Communities and groups tend to create a strong motivation that gives a person the courage and the strength to do things that they may not succeed at on their own. It doesn't matter that he lives in Chicago and I live in Los Angeles, we could chart our progress and encourage each other.

I know when I was a teenager I felt that at the Weight Watcher meetings I attended. When the leader announced how much weight each member lost to the group, and you got applause for it, it was a strong and positive affirmation. And last year, I felt that in the group program. A feeling of competition, encouragement and connection.

If I said I was going to workout for thirty days, and I told no one, who would call me on it if I missed a day? No one. If a man is alone in the woods and doesn't do his push-ups, does it still add calories? That makes no sense, but I knew if I had to report to someone that I had done my workout I would be more motivated.

So every Monday for the next five week I will report to you, dear reader, my progress of working out everyday for 30 days. Specifically, no matter what else I do; run, swim, weight training, etc, I have to do 200 ab crunches and 50 push-ups a day for the next 30 days. As the days go on, if I decide to increase the numbers I can, that is just a minimum.

You are my motivation. Its a win-win situation.

So, if this makes you think that maybe you too would like to shed a few pounds before summer, and help your self get back in shape, then why don't you call a friend, make a commitment, and just get started. What have you got to lose?

Oh, by the way, since I completed the program last year I have retained most of the gains I made in muscle mass and at almost 49 years old, I can honestly say I have never been in better shape in my life. I remember I once tried out for the football team in high school and at the first workout I couldn't do one push-up. Some girls laughed at me. Now I can do a set of twenty no problem.

Here in Los Angeles, trying to make it as an actor means I have to do everything I can to make myself standout over thousands of other actors all going for the same job. Confidence is important, and so is backing it up with a certain look. I want to be the strong 50 year old who could have been a strong twenty year old. No one has to know I was ever fat, or weak, or carried an extra 70 pounds on me. No, I can be the tough old guy, which is a role I prefer over aging paunchy fat guy.

And the camera adds weight anyway, so being a little overweight really shows on camera, as opposed to being really toned and buff.

Vain? Maybe a little, but I have a career at stake here. I am a performer, and as such, I have to make myself look good. No, better than good. Great.

What are you going to do today?

Blind Ed

Two posts in one day?

Well, it's been a few weeks since I did my shoot on the "adult feature" Pirates II. It was such a fun day. I was treated very well, I worked with really interesting people, and I thought I did a great job.

My role, a comedic character who helps the hero along on his journey, was really fun to shoot. Wearing a latex eye patch over one eye and a "blind" contact lens in the other was interesting, but not comfortable at all. Here is what I looked like:




The makeup department did an awesome job.

It was a really professional shoot. The crew was top notch. The wardrobe, sets, and costumes matched any studio production I've ever been on. Joone, the director, really knew what he wanted and how to get it. I just had a blast. I can't wait to see it. And I hope I get invited to the premiere. That will be one fun party.

Word on the set was that Pirates II may get an R rated release, which would mean a lot of people might see this movie, and me. I hope so. I have three films still in the can, all set to be released this year. It could be a big year!

Patriotism

What is Patriotism? What is love of country? Is it simply and easily wearing an American Flag lapel pin?

Some weeks ago there was an uproar in the press, started by the right, against Barack Obama for not wearing a flag pin on his lapel.

Ridiculous, I know, but Americans like to get caught up in these childish pursuits.

For my self, I don't care whether or not a person wears a flag pin or not, though to be honest, the sight of a flag pin on someone's lapel makes me less trusting of that person, not more so.

But I would like to ask you this; where was that lapel pin made? I would wager it was made in China. And so by wearing an American flag lapel pin made in another country, you are supporting the outsourcing of jobs FROM America, the transfer of wealth OUT of America, the exploitation of workers across the world, and letting corporations get away with making massive profits and not pay taxes here in the states.

Thats what I think of your flag lapel pin.

How could you not like that speech?

Hi Everyone,

It's been hard to write the last few weeks, so sorry for not keeping up to date with my musings. Hope you are well. I've been feeling pretty dark lately, but its all good now. Even two days in Vegas couldn't get me jazzed up enough to write. What a place, Vegas. Pretty funny. Maybe that will be a future post. The drive through the desert was nice.

I lost my job the other night. Funny story, I'll share it some day. It was getting in the way of my acting, so, I had to leave. Reminds me of what Kris' grandfather used to always say to me, "When your work gets in the way of your fun, you have to leave that job". He didn't really mean it, but he said it a lot. Anyway, I guess I took it to heart.

Anyway, did you see Barack Obama's speech today? You really have to invest the 37 minutes and check it out. He does more in 37 minutes to help heal the racial divide in America than I've seen anyone do in 37 years. And he did it by just telling it like it is. By saying what is on the minds of so many people. By expressing out loud the feelings and frustrations and desire for change so many people have; black, white, brown, Hindu, Christian, Jew, Muslim, Catholic, in short, most Americans today.

His story is remarkable, and very American. And if he is elected president I know things will turn around. People will feel empowered, and our elected officials will start to listen. Things will change.

And he even acknowledged those who don't want change, those who like things like they are. Fortunately there are only a few Americans like that, but they are a mighty few. I think they will come around though, I think they will see what is good for America will be good for them too.

He delivered a speech that was magnificent, and presidential. Boy, its been a long time since we've heard words like that. And so, in spite of what I'm going through these days, dealing with money problems, career problems, agent problems, and creative blocks, I am full of hope tonight at the thought of Barack Obama as the next president of The United States.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWe7wTVbLUU

Here's the video:

Phantom Love in Chicago 2/29-3/06

Greetings Reader,

How are you? It's getting pretty late, are you okay to drive home from here? If not, leave your keys with the bartender and hitch-hike home.

Say, are you from Chicago? I thought so. I could tell by the way you say "gimee a beef samich". Which is strange because I don't have beef sandwiches.

What am I selling? Dreams, my friend, pure dreams. Want one? I thought so. Who doesn't. Here, put this in your pocket and don't look at it until you get home.

You ever been to Facets on Fullerton? No, not the scrap iron place, the movie theatre. They show art films and stuff like that. Yeah, right, next to the sub shop. That's the one. Well if you go there this week you can see me in a movie. No I'm not shitting you. Yeah, me, in a movie, up on the big screen. No, I'm not in the new Harry Potter movie, not yet at least. But I hope I'll be in the last one.

No, I'm in a film called Phantom Love and its playing this week only. So go see it. No, no car chases. No, no explosions. Yeah, there is sex. There are snakes. And there is magic. There are boats and clouds and gambling too. And a river. Oh, and it's in beautiful black and white. Yeah, shot on film. No, film, you know, sprockets and emulsion and chemicals and shit. Yeah they sell popcorn. No, really, I'm not kidding you. I'm in the film. I play a preacher. On TV. A TV preacher. Yeah, all fire and brimstone this and burn in hell that. Check it out.

No, I don't get paid more if you see it, I just want you to go see a cool film and be like, "hey, I know that dude in the movie".

Here are the details. See it if you want. Drive home safely.

Phantom Love by Nina Menkes
in Chicago at Facets Cinematheque
1517 West Fullerton Ave
Chicago, IL 60614
773.281.4114
www.facets.org/cinematheque

Fri., Feb. 29 at 7 & 9 pm

Sat.-Sun., Mar. 1-2 at 3, 5, 7 & 9 pm

Mon.-Thurs., Mar. 3-6 at 7 & 9 pm


Chicago Reader Review:
http://onfilm.chicagoreader.com/movies/critic.html

Oscar Sunday

I didn't want the day off today, but I have it, so I am going to make the best of it. Of course the best part will be spending the day with Kris, in our loft, working and then watching the Oscars on TV.

No Oscar parties for us this year. No galas or after parties or designer gowns and tuxedos. Maybe next year.

I haven't made any predictions for who will win tonight, but after seeing There Will Be Blood last night, I feel fairly certain that Daniel Day Lewis will walk away with the statue for Best Actor in a Lead Role. The film is remarkable, and DDL's performance was so nuanced and believable. (Was the opening an homage to My Left Foot?) What a despicable character.

I say nuanced and believable because as Bill The Butcher in Gangs of New York, he was fun, but I thought he was over the top and chewing everything in site.

And as Kris pointed out, I like how PT Anderson chose to look at the early titans of oil and show how evil they were, right from the start. First we'll steal from Americans, then we'll steal from the rest of the world. Pure evil. Delicious for filmmakers and artists, not so nice for the real people who have lost their lives and fortunes over oil.

For a guy who runs a movie review website, I admit I haven't seen most of the nominated films this year. In the best picture category I have only seen three of the five, and I am going to give the award to There Will Be Blood.

I hope by next year to build up Bikini Movie Review to a more recognized brand name and have a reporter on the red carpet. In a bikini of course. Cold and rainy as it may be.

And let me ask you, if the powers that be at A.M.P.A.S know how cold and rainy it is or can be in LA in February, why move the awards to this time from March? Huh? Why? Well don't complain about the weather then, okay? Just the thought of all those stars getting rained on thrills me.

Okay, gonna post this now before the ceremony starts. Off to more busy work in the life of an artist/actor/writer/producer/filmmaker/waiter.

I never thought I'd say that again. I'm a waiter. I'm a waitergonebad®. I thought I had hung up my apron for good, but it goes to show you, you never really know what life has in store for you sometimes.

Hey the sun just came out for a minute, maybe I'll go down stairs for a quick swim. Yes, I will.

I do have a call back tomorrow for a car commercial, so that is good.

Enjoy the fashions, the laughs and the celebration of tonights Oscars! Long live the cinema!

A Rant On Politics. Reader beware.

A few days ago a friend in Chicago sent me a link to the Obama YES WE CAN video.

I in turn sent him a link to the same group of people singing the words of John McCain.

So scary.

Anyway, there were about thirty-nine people on the email list, and one of the people, someone I don't know, followed up by sending the entire list the stupid nonsense on the web that Obama is a muslim, that he was sworn in on a Koran, that he eats white babies for breakfast, blah, blah, blah, the same old crap. So I let that person have it for not thinking on his own and for being a pawn of the Rovians.

That was followed by another comment from another person I don't know attacking Obama but in a more intelligent way.

My post tonight is my reply to that letter. Do me a favor people, do what you think is right, but don't be afraid to open your ears and listen to all sides. Don't be afraid to talk to your friends and neighbors about the issues that deeply affect us all. And don't be afraid to admit when something you believe turns out to be false, or something you thought was false turns out to be true.


Dear XXXXXXXXX,

Thank you for your reply.

"I'll agree with everyone, that Mr. S------'s information is not all that credible and is pretty much a scare tactic."

Not all that credible?

"And I really don't like to talk politics..."

I wish Americans were not so reticent about talking about politics. Why is American Idol easier to talk about than who will be the next American President?

In any event, if we are ever going to grow as a nation, we need to be able to talk to each other about the difficult issues. Not fight, not insult, and not tell lies, but just talk. In the end, we all go into that little private booth and do what we feel is best. So thank you for entering this discussion. And for those who don't want to participate, no problem, that's what the DELETE button is for.

The voting record of all Senators are public record. Here is a link to a Washington Post data base of all the votes by US Senators in the 110th Congress.

http://projects.washingtonpost.com/congress/110/senate/members/

You are right, people should know the voting record of the candidates. That is a sure way to know the past. But sometimes people change their minds, and reverse their votes later. Clinton has. McCain has. That is fair, and shows the ability of a person to grow and change.

But while we should hold up voting records to scrutiny, members of Congress vote how for their constituents back home. When running for President, the rules are different. And those who run for President do miss many votes out on the campaign trail.

Obama was not in the senate when the vote to go to war was taken, but Clinton was, and she voted for it. And she continued to vote YES every time Bush asked for more money or power to fund his illegal war or continue his illegal occupation. That is the number one reason I will not vote for Clinton. She will not acknowledge the war is a travesty, and will not even say she will get our troops out of Iraq before 2013. Unacceptable.

McCain wants to keep us in Iraq for 100 years. How do you feel about that?

But Barack is not just a great, inspiring, speaker, he is against the war, he is for health care for all (his plan and Clinton's are virtually the same - which is too bad, neither go far enough towards single payer health care like every other developed nation on the planet), and his record in the Illinois Senate shows he votes for justice. Because of Barack, the Chicago Police now video tape interrogations. I want a President who will fight for all Americans.

And since you brought up Reagan, perhaps you are a Republican, so let me ask you are, are Republicans for tax increases? Because Reagan increased taxes 11 times. Are Republicans for granting amnesty to illegal aliens? Oh, because Reagan did that. Are Republicans for spending billions of dollars on a cockamamy defense project called Star Wars? Oh, yeah, they are. You got that one.

Now let's look at some other great Reagan accomplishments. Let's see, he broke the air traffic controllers union, which caused the beginning of the loss of good jobs in America and the decline of union membership in America. In 1980 25% of Americans were part of a union, today, it is 7%. Think about that next time you try to make a payment on your ballooning mortgage.

But to be fair, while Reagan started us down the slippery slope of deregulation and privatization, it was a Democrat by the name of Clinton who signed NAFTA into law, the worst thing he ever did, and I can't excuse that horrendous decision. And I'll never vote for a Clinton again. Ever.

But this all started because one person tried to spread a fun video, and another tried to spread nasty lies.

So now I'll stop, step down off my box, and wish you all a good night.

Noel Olken
Los Angeles, Ca

I won an award this week!

I have been awarded the Mad Skillz award by Kris Cahill over at Art and Clairvoyance.

Thanks, Kris.

She gave me the award for making her laugh everyday with my silly characters, my silly movements, my silly dancing, my silly jokes and puns, and my silly noises.

Many people probably think I had to sleep with Kris to get this award, but I didn't have to. I would have done it anyway. In fact that is where I ought to be right now.

I'm up late again tonight trying to figure things out. I had a glimpse tonight of things getting better real soon. I'm gonna work on creating some magic in my life so that happens. Kris should get an award for making magic happen. She is good at that. She practices what she preaches. She teaches and inspires others to do the same. She deserves another award, too. The You Inspire me Award. I'm gonna Create one and send it to her.

As soon as I figure things out. Yeah. Okay. It's okay. It's all okay.

I read about Tom Wilkinson in the Times today. In his late forties, with a respected career in English theatre and television, he decided he wanted to make it in movies. So he went about and did it. And now he is nominated for his second Oscar. That is an inspiring story. I'm gonna give him an award, too.

I also, in my late forties, changed my career, picked up my life and wife moved us across the country. For what? To make a new career for myself in the talkies.

In fits and starts it is going. I'm just so damn impatient. And that's why I got to figure things out, cause it isn't happening for me as fast as I would like. It is happening though, and I can't lose sight of that. It is happening. Four speaking roles in four feature films in two years, (one premiered at Sundance) a guest spot on a TV show and recently a national commercial.

When you put it like that, it sounds pretty good?

Tomorrow will be a day of magic. Let's go to bed now. There is a cute little red-haired girl waiting for me who needs a good laugh. Tomorrow.

Night.

Sometimes I stay up at night thinking of ways to make Kris laugh. That's fun.

Night.

Tomorrow's lottery jackpot is 220 million. Well of course I bought a lottery ticket, didn't you?

Night.

Happy Valentines Day everybody!

Whoever you are feeling special about, whoever you want to feel special about, whoever makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside - I hope you get to spend time with your valentine today. I know I will.

Here's to you, Valentine! Love, Noel

Here is a great heart. Painting by Kris Cahill.

http://www.kriscahill.com

411 on the 911

I worked in Santa Monica today at the art gallery installing a new show. Driving home at about 7PM on the eastbound 10, I had to dodge a filing cabinet that was in the middle lanes. Pretty scary to have such a huge piece of debris on a busy highway. Probably fell off the back of one of those junk trucks. You know the trucks; an old jalopy of a pick-up with old doors on the sides so they can hold more junk, crammed full of all kinds of junk metal and tied down with a kite string? I love those guys, but I will never drive behind them because I always assume their load is going to fall off any second.

I assumed the debris had already been reported to the California Highway Patrol, but just to make sure, I called 911 anyway. In California, 911 is answered by the CHP and then calls are routed from there to the appropriate authority.

But here is the deal, and I think this is pretty scary. The call to 911 was answered by a machine that told me if this is a real emergency to press or say one, and then repeated the same message in Spanish. I did nothing, so the message repeated itself. Finally I said "one".

There was a series of clicks and noises and then another recording told me that all operators were busy and I should stay on the line. "Please stay on the line and an operator will be with you shortly". The same message was then repeated in Spanish. Following that was a series of clicks and then the sound of a phone ringing. After eight rings, the same recording came back on telling me that all operators are busy and to stay on the line. This happened at least four times, and my call wasn't answered by a human being until four minutes and thirty five seconds after I placed the call.

It was rather amusing to think what would have happened if this had been a real emergency. Is there, I wondered, another secret number for getting through in case of a REAL emergency?

Is the system privatized? Are the operators in Mumbai or Delhi? That could be a problem, no?

Here is a new message I thought of while waiting on hold.

If you have been shot, press one.
If you are holding your internal organs in your hand, press two.
If you are having a heart attack, press three.
If your house is on fire, please press four.
If you are being molested, please press five.
If you are being chased by a terrorist, please press six.
If you would like to be connected directly to a funeral home, press seven.
To hear music on hold, press eight.
To repeat these options, press nine.
For all other emergencies, please stay on the line and an operator will assist you in the order your call was received.

When an operator finally did assist me, he told me that they already had that incident on record and an officer was on the way. Whew, I feel better knowing that.

Ah, Los Angles, looking and feeling more like the movies Blade Runner or Brazil everyday.

Anyway, I made it home, and hopefully if I really do need to make a 911 call someday, and I hope I don't, it will go a little better than that.

Hey, did you hear the good news? The writers strike is finally over. Call 911!

Ahoy, mateys! Is that ship made of wood?

So I'm working this really boring cocktail party last night. It's about 35 women and three men at a fancy private school in Los Angeles. It's a meet and greet for some visiting educators and some of the school's department heads. We're in the home of the school director which is adjacent to the school and the only good thing about this party is it will be over very quickly.

So as I maneuver my way through them with hors d'oeuvres I hear snippets of conversations. "I love teaching English". "The hotel is nice". "Wasn't the weather beautiful today"? And I just want to yell out out to these nice people, "Hey, I just got cast as Blind Ed the pirate in the sequel to the award winning porn film, Pirates!" But of course I didn't.

Yes, friends, I got the part. I was called on Saturday morning by the casting director to tell me they loved me, they talked about me all day Friday, and the producer will be calling me soon to work out the details. It shoots in March.

So I did a little research on the film, went to the Pirates website, and even found a trailer for Pirates II on line. It really is a fun trailer. Here is a link to it. (The trailer is not pornographic but there are other images on the page some might find dis-tasteful. So please, only go if you are over 18 and can handle that sort of stuff)

The trailer is an animated sequence of a pirate ship on the high seas during a raging storm under a full moon. We get closer and closer and then we move through the ship to see a skeleton pirate at the wheel. Very nice.

Pirates One has won over 40 awards in the adult film industry and is one of the highest selling titles of all time.

At least if I'm gonna do porn, I'm doing high-class porn.

Look at me, in Los Angeles less than two years and I've already been in a feature film at Sundance, modeled for Playboy and now a porn film. My career is really looking up!

All those classes and workshops are starting to pay off.

Too bad its not a SAG film. I could get my card with this one. Oh, well.

More details and fun stories from the set to follow. I'm sure it is going to be a blast.

My own private Boogie Nights.

Before I get into the audition I just did at a San Fernando Valley porn studio, let me tell you about the party I worked at last night, The Black Eyed Pea's Peapod Foundation Gala. It was a star studded event at the Apollo Theatre in Hollywood. I was working the VIP buffet, which was only for about 300 of the 900 invited guests. I saw Dennis Haysbert, one of my favorite characters on the series, 24. And the funniest moment was when Dennis bent over to say hello to Dr. Ruth, who came up to his belly button, or just about. He really had to bend over. Laurence Fishburne was there. And of course the Black Eyed Peas put on a show. And many friends and guests appeared on stage with them. When I got a chance to peek at the stage, I saw the BEP joined by Slash, Snoop Dog, and MC Hammer. It was a really hard party because of all the people in such a small space. When I was sent home at 1AM, (they cut the early people to save on OT) the band was still playing. I was happy to go, I didn't want to be there till 4AM. I had an audition today!

So the audition was for a sequel to a very popular porn film called Pirates. The box cover is a Pirates of the Caribbean knock-off. What separates this porn film from most are the high production values and a story. Now I haven't seen the film, but from what I read, it is still a very popular title and continues to sell well. In fact, the US DVD distributor is the same company the distributed Cup Of My Blood, the feature I produced. I'm sure MTI had more success with Pirates than with Cup.

Anyway, I saw the audition notice on Craig's List, and the reason I responded was because it said there was no nudity and no sex in these scenes, it paid, and the character was a blind pirate. I love playing pirates! So I submit a head shot and I get an email back that they would like to see me, and I am given an audition time and sent the sides. Sides are the pages from the script for that character that you have to read at the audition.

The scene I have to read is so funny I can't believe it. It is really funny and well written. Basically, they're auctioning off women, and the blind pirate asks the auctioneer to describe one particular beauty. Its really funny, and I was going to play it over the top.

So I drive out to Van Nuys, in the valley, home of the porn industry, and go to a nondescript cinder block building on a nondescript street off the 405.

There are a half dozen other guys standing out front going over sides. I park and check in with the CD (casting director), and ask to use the bathroom. The first thing I see in the lobby are posters for Pirate on the walls, and other titles they have produced.

To get to the bathroom I walk past the warehouse where thousands of DVD's are waiting to be shipped. The bathroom is covered with centerfolds and posters and stacks of porn in the stall.

I slip into my pirate costume. Head scarf, eye patch, and earring. I have a cane, and I'm wearing a black sleeveless tee, black jeans, and my pointy renaissance faire shoes.

The fun thing about going into an audition in costume and character like that is it can really mess with the minds of the other guys auditioning.

The CD is very amused. After a few minutes he calls three of us up stairs to where the readings are going on. Now I don't want to jinx myself, but judging from what I heard, I was not in the company of the best actors in Hollywood, or even Van Nuys.

Anyway, the guy before me is also reading for the blind pirate character. The door was open so I could hear him. He was "reading", and he spoke the text like some one reading an IRS tax form. It was so flat and boring I couldn't help but be buoyed by hearing him.

I'm next. I have the eye patch over my dark sunglasses, and I crash into the wall like I can't see on my way into the room.

Well, I tore into the scene and chewed on it like nobodies business. I gave it my all; pirate voice, pirate manner, and pirate fire.

Whatever happens, it was a good story. It will be even better if they hire me! Almost as good a story as my audition at the Scientology Celebrity Center soon after I moved to LA. They didn't hire me.

You can be sure if I am cast as the blind pirate, you will read about it here. Have a great weekend!

Super (FAT) Tuesday

Since I couldn't be in New Orleans partying my ass off on Mardi Gras, I did the next best thing. I voted in a monumental democratic primary.

Yesterday Kris and I went to vote first thing in the morning. Our polling place is a homeless shelter in the quickly gentrifying skid row area of downtown Los Angeles. We live about five minutes, by car from there. The building is very new and very nice. We have voted there several times since we moved here.

Outside the mission, scores of homeless people and all their belongings were scattered on the street around the mission. It was like they were kicked out for the day to allow the building to be a polling place. Many of the homeless we saw were women and African-Americans. I doubt many of them were voting. Are they aware of the changes taking place around them.

There is a new construction going up right next to the mission, looks like a condo building.

This area is changing quickly.

America is changing quickly, too. Yesterday my choice for democratic nominee for President was a woman and an African-American male. Wow. That is huge. One of them will be the next President of the United States. That is so cool.

I voted for Barack Obama. I like him, and I like his message of change. I like how he is firing up younger Americans and getting them to take an interest in our country. I like that when he speaks, he doesn't look like he is just reading a speech. I would like to see the race barrier in the oval office ended.

If Hillary is nominated, I would vote for her. I would also like to see the gender barrier in the oval office ended. But as much as I would love to see a female president, I don't think Hillary is the right woman. I think she brings too much baggage with her. And I can't ever forget she voted for the war in Iraq. And now she says she didn't think Bush would do what he did? She trusted him? What kind of judgment is that? And then she continued to vote to fund the war. And besides, in a country of 300 million people, is the gene pool so limited that only Bushes or Clintons are fit to run for president? Give me a break. I thought we got rid of monarchies a few centuries ago?

It hit me yesterday - the Bushies will get away with MURDER.

It seems like the Bushies didn't count on such a backlash to the last seven years of their un-democratic rule, but they did, in effect, create the backlash against them. They probably thought they could steal two presidential elections, rape and pillage Iraq, plunder the US treasury and steal all they wanted, destroy everything they don't like, continue to sow fear and hatred, line the supreme court with their people, enrich their pockets, trash the constitution, spy on American citizens, destroy the middle class and then come back and do it again.

Well, I'm glad to say that is not going to happen.

Their crimes, which will go unpunished (remember Scooter Libby), have been so egregious, that the backlash they have created will also be remarkable! A democrat for President! A woman or a black man!

The problem is, unfortunately, that they are going to have the last laugh. Because on Jan 20, 2009, when the new President is sworn in, they will slither away, and all the damage they have created will have to be cleaned up by someone else. They will just walk away and not be held accountable or responsible for the mess they made. Mark my words, they will get away with it, and then they will blame it all on the Democrats. Somehow, they will make all their believers believe it was not their fault and the Dem's caused it all. They are sneaky that way.

If that is how it is going to be, then hopefully, whoever the next president is, they will be just as crafty and smart and cunning and make such bold changes so America moves as quickly as possible toward a more forward thinking, prosperous and equitable new era.

We are a diverse country. There is no way Americans can ever all agree on one thing. But a majority of Americans agree that change is needed; that the occupation of Iraq must end, that jobs need to be created, that tax cuts for the rich are a sham, that a 3000 mile fence along the southern border is a joke. I'm glad to predict that change is a coming. Democrats make a lot of mistakes, too. Look at the ridiculous Michigan and Florida primaries? Look at the mess they are creating with delegates and super-delegates? They are often only thinking of their own gain as well. But at least they are not as greedy as the people who have run the country for the last seven years. Maybe that is the only difference. Still, it is a huge one. Its gonna be a bumpy ride.

A List Party

It's about time I got to work a fun celebrity party. And work I did! The homes in the Hollywood Hills are quite lovely, until you have to carry lots of dishes up and down three flights of steps hundreds of times a night!

Saturday I worked a birthday party for a talent agent at a major agency. There were a lot of A-list talent there. We were told before the party to give great service, remain invisible, and don't give out any head shots. "What about scripts" I asked?

Some of the guests I served, who ate appetizers off my tray, included Laura Linney, (so sweet) Jennifer Aniston (very pretty, nice shoes) Orlando Bloom, Natalie Portman, Christina Ricci, Rachel McAdams and Jason Bateman.

A pretty nice gathering, a fun party, lots of cigarettes, and everyone exclaimed how bad they were being for eating anything other than carrot sticks. When the cake came out, you could just see them making plans for extra personal training sessions on Monday with every bite.

There was a psychic at the party, and all I could think of was that it should have been Kris. I can't wait till Kris is psychic to the stars, and reading all these people! How fun. I kept emailing Kris all night with updates...Jen's shoes are marvelous...Natalie is getting a reading...the cake is delicious.

Today I called the party planner who produced the party and sent her some info on Kris. I want Kris to be "the" clairvoyant to the stars! I want her to be at these parties. I've said it before, and its no joke, I want to be a kept man, and live in the manner to which I want to be accustomed. I know Kris wants that too, so its all good.

By the end of the night, after ten hours of going up and down those stairs, I was exhausted. I didn't get home till after 3am, and didn't get enough sleep. I was so excited - it was Super Bowl Sunday!

That is another story for another day.

Who is you favorite celebrity?

Feb.1, 2008 - The Month In Review

Hello Reader,

I am starting a new feature here on It's Okay called The Month In Review. On the first of every month I will write about the highlights of the previous month. Its a way to keep friends near and far current on what I'm doing.

I used to send an email out to a select group of people called Noel's News that did the same thing, but really, who wants to have someone else's life forced on them every month?

So my idea now is to write it here for everyone to read if they want. I will still send a link to the email list, for awhile at least, but this way if they don't want to read it, they don't have to come here and read it. Easy, peazy, not too sleazy!

So, January 2008 was a really fantastic month. I had a fun job working at an art gallery in Santa Monica.

Next, I found out the photo I shot for Playboy back in August of last year was finally in print, in the February issue of Playboy. You can see the photo HERE. If you read Playboy, its on page 20. No, I'm not the blond. Truth is you can hardly tell its me, but it was still fun to do, and how many men can say they were in Playboy!

I had many many commercial auditions and booked my first national commercial. It was for Civilization:Revolution, an interactive video game. Their new website will have three very funny commercials featuring characters from history. I play Abe Lincoln in two of them. Honest, I do. After the website launches they will cut thirty second spots that will air on TV. Our photos will also be used on the box art for the game. Very fun.

We had our first Bikini Movie Review party and had a blast hanging out with everyone who made it. The party was a thank you to everyone who has helped us create the site and a kick off for the growth we see for 2008.
Our friend, Steve Gibons was here from Chicago. Steve writes most of the music for Bikini Movie Review and it was great he was here to celebrate with us.

In addition to all that, I worked as a cater waiter most weekends. I also had two verbal altercations/fights with strangers and co-workers - in one night! That was strangely fun. A great release.

So here we are already in February. Kris (my wife, the supremely talented Kris Cahill)has proclaimed February the month of high havingness. What that means is we are going to allow the energy of havingness into our lives. We are going to "have" a lot. Not by worrying, or being in survival, but by letting it come to us. Alright, sounds good to me.

I hope you had a great January too. I hope you had a lot of fun and exciting work and a lot of good times. And I hope February will bring you much havingness also.

I'll write more in my daily posts, but this wraps up the first Month In Review.

Enjoy the photos!

Peace.

An Actor's Life #1

So a few days ago I told you I got a call back for the last project I expected to get called back for - playing Abe Lincoln doing a magic act with Catherine the Great. The call back was fun, I played around, the director gave me different things to try and I went with it, had a good time.

Then, because of the rain, I spent two hours driving from the valley to Santa Monica to go to work as a waiter. Within 15 minutes of going from the kitchen tent to the party area I was soaked. Good times.

I'm leaving out the story of the two fights I was in that night because I want to write about that seperately. More about that later.

Yesterday morning I go to an audition. Kris goes with me and we are going to go shopping afterwards. The parking lot at the Whole Foods in West Hollywood is packed, so Kris gets out and walks to the store and I navigate the parking lot. I finally park and I'm about to go into the store and I get a call from my agent. She sounds so excited. I already know what she is going to tell me.

"Are you sitting down?" she asks. That was kind of funny. "You were so surprised to get the call back for the Abe Lincoln role - and they just booked you!" A booking means you got the job. I was very happy, I still am. She gives me a few details, more coming later, and we are both very happy I got booked. I get off the phone and enter the store to find Kris and tell her the good news. Of course, being me, I can't just walk up to her and say " Honey, guess what, I just boked the Abe Lincoln gig!" No, I have to be funny. So I see her, and I walk up to her all stiff and formal and using a very deep Abe like voice I ask her if she knows how to get to the White House. She is looking at me quizically, like what is he doing and why and I have to find the canned tomato aisle. So she asks why I want to go to the White House, and I say I am the 16th President of the United States.

Little did I know that there was a man observing me and had a very concerned look on his face, like, who is this guy and is he going to hurt her? I can't see him, my back is to him. Soon Kris puts two and two together and screams out - "You got the job!" and gives me a high five. Kris could see the guy looked relieved to see she knew me. It was pretty funny. We were hugging and jumping in the cosmetic aisle at Whole Foods. I wonder how many actors get booked on jobs while shopping. I'll bet quite a few.

Of course I have a few questions, as any actor will try to interpret the scene. First, it is very good that after over 100 auditions and look sees and call backs, I finally booked a job. That will make my agent happy and she will continue to send me out. But of all the jobs I book, why does it have to be for the role of a very strange looking man? What does that mean? Now I really have a lot of respect for Lincoln, he seems like a really brilliant and stand up guy. But face it, but a beard and a stove top hat on anyone and they'll look like Lincoln.

But in reality, I know it was because I could goof around at the audition and play, and the director saw I could take direction well, and go with what he asked, have fun, and still keep a sort of formal stiffness to my Abe character. So to answer my own question, it's not that I look like Abe, it's that I was able to create a charming Abe like character that fit the director's own idea of what he wanted for this fun spot.

The project is for a video game called Civilization:Revolution, who are promoting their launch onto the next generation of game consoles. So in one of these very clever spots, Abe is doing a magic act with Catherine the Great, and in another, he insults Napoleon on a Jerry Springer type show. Very funny stuff.

My highest budget commercial job and hopefully one that will be seen by millions! And by high budget I mean I don't have to bring my own wardrobe and do my own make-up. I'm sure there will be a make-up person. I may even have my own dressing room. Oh, I can only hope. And a bowl of green M&M's please. Only green. Abe doesn't like red.

I'll include a photo of me as Abe in a follow up post next week.

Now I have to rush off and be a waiter. Later.

Playboy Photo

Oh BTW, I am in the February issue of Playboy magazine, page 20, but I caution you don't go out and buy it just for me. I'm only in one photo, and if you don't know me you wouldn't know it was me. In fact, here is the photo I am in, and if you want to read more about Chicago divorce attorney Corrie Fetman, click HERE to go to the Playboy website and read her column. Warning, it is the Playboy website.

Funny story: Last Friday I discovered that the photo was in the February issue and I went out to buy one on my way to an audition. After the audition, I was a few blocks from the office of a casting director I know, who I took a workshop with last year. His name is Dean Fronk of Pemrick/Fronk Casting. He always said to stay in touch, and stop by and see him when we are in the neighborhood. So I did.

I take the elevator to the Penthouse Suite, go to the reception desk, where there were not one, but two receptionists. This was a nice high-end casting office. Not like the dinky offices and photo studios I am used to. Ooh, nice.

To my surprise, I see a copy of Playboy on the desk next to the male receptionist. (Playboy in the Penthouse?) How strange, I thought. I haven't seen a copy of Playboy sitting out, other than at a traditional men's barbershop, in thirty years. And now, the one time I am in Playboy, here it is. So when the young male receptionist gets off the phone, and I am waiting to see Dean, I point to the Playboy and say, "I'm on page 20". It takes him a second to process what I mean, then he takes the magazine and turns to page 20 and says, "Hey, there you are!", just as Dean walks out to say hello. Very nicely timed, I must say. Dean was on his way out and so invited me to ride the elevator down with him. We chat, I tell him an audition horror story from last week, and he says good bye and invites me to stay in touch. Truely one of the nicest CD's I've met in LA.




Yeah, that's me, sitting and talking to Corrie. No, I'm not a divorcing business man, I just play one in Playboy! And no, I wasn't there for Corrie's nude shots.

No news and bad news...

No news on the call back yet. Those who have been following the story know that I was told I would hear something on Tuesday. That's today. It's now 10:28PM. I don't think I'm going to hear tonight. Fuck. You know how much energy I put into waiting?

The phone did ring tonight. No, it wasn't Heath Ledger, he didn't call me. He won't be making any more phone calls this lifetime.
No, it was my agent, telling me I got a call back for one of the auditions I did last week. The last one I would have suspected getting a call back for, the one where I portray Abe Lincoln doing a magic act with Catherine the Great!

What a crazy life this is. So I just went and bushed up on my Abe Lincoln history. Pretty interesting guy, really.

Okay, I just went and wrote a long three page handwritten blog entry, just cause I like to write. But now I'm too tired to type the whole thing. I'll do it tomorrow, before I go to the call back, and before I go to work as a waiter for a cocktail party for 1500 in Santa Monica. Fuck. That will be fun!

So I go to bed not knowing the answer, and in my heart knowing the answer.

Reject the rejection!

7 Days A Weak!

I'm glad today is a bank holiday. I don't feel guilty for not getting up and going to work. In fact, I'm still tired from working seven days last week. For a guy who only has a part-time job, (or three of them) I sure work a lot.

Last week was crazy, and I loved every minute of it.

I was taking a day off last Monday when I get a text message from my agent to hurry up and go to an audition in North Hollywood, in the valley. I was just about to go to the club, but instead detoured my schedule, found the sides (script) for the audition online, and raced over to N. Hollywood, learning the text while driving on the 101.

Tuesday I had one audition. I also learned I was called back for the creature-feature movie I mentioned a few posts ago. A call back, for those who don't know, means they saw a lot of actors for the project, and they whittled it down to a few choices for each role. In this case, the casting director said. "...we received 2500 photo submissions, of those we called in 120 actors to read, and of those we are calling back 21".

Already when an actor hears those numbers, it is really validating to have made the short list. Yeah!

So now I have until Saturday to prepare for the call back. Meanwhile, everyday I get more and more audition calls for the week.

I go to two on Wednesday, as well as a head shot session with a photographer. I need new head shots. I recently changed my hair style and need new head shots to reflect that.

On Thursday I have three commercial auditions, and I spent all day driving from downtown to Santa Monica to Hollywood and back to Santa Monica and then back downtown. About 75 miles all day.

I'm feeling like a working actor, even though all this driving around and auditioning is costing me a lot of money and I'm not getting paid. Each audition is like a job interview. I interview for a new job about 100 - 150 times a year. I get very few jobs, right now, but it is the most fun game in the world.

By Friday night, after eight auditions all week, I really have to concentrate on the call back. I have my wardrobe picked, I get my props set up, and I rehearse my lines for any of the ten scenes I may or may not read.

The call back was a lot of fun, and the 21 of us there are all excited and very friendly, even those competing for the same role. I look around the room of twenty-somethings, as six of the seven roles are for that age group, and I see only one other guy there for the same role as me. I recognize him from other auditions. We both have salt and pepper hair, both around the same age and height. 50/50 odds, I like that. He doesn't acknowledge me as he walks by.

My goal going into the audition was to psyche out the competition. I was really decked out like I imagined the character to be and wanted to instill doubt and fear into the competition. I think it worked. Lord knows it has worked on me in the past, only this time, I'm taking charge.

They call actors in by groups to see how they look and work together. For my role, they call the other actor in first, and he reads a few times, in a few configurations, and then I read in a few configurations. Then he reads another scene, and then he is sent home. I'm the last man standing, or maybe not?

The thing about casting, and I have been on both sides now, is you never really know what is going on and what they are thinking. I try not to think about it. I get called in a couple more times, and then I wait.

One wrinkle in the plan is I am scheduled for a party (my day job) on Saturday night and I am going to be late.

I try not to think about this either. I arranged to be late with a very nice and understanding party manager, but the longer I wait in the hallway, not being called in, the more distracting it is.

Finally, after waiting about 45 minutes, I am told I can leave. Only the twenty-somethings are left. Have they made up their minds about my character? Was I the last man standing, or was someone else being considered who wasn't there yet or didn't even need to show up? See how actors can overthink things and try to figure out the unfigureoutable?

Everything works out as planned, I get to the party late, but not so late that it messes anyone up.

During the party I get an email (on my new pretentious iPhone) from the casting director. It is to everyone thanking us for coming out and saying we all deserved to be there. Decisions will be made on Tuesday. Have a nice week-end. Agh! I have to wait three days? That is like an eternity to an actor waiting to hear something. Okay, just focus on work and watching the playoffs tomorrow.

The party goes very late and I don't get home until two AM and my next party is a luncheon Sunday morning and I have to be in Santa Monica at 8:30AM. So with little sleep, and very tired, I get up at 7, leave at 7:45 and am in Santa Monica at 8:15, sitting in front of the house, watching early morning walkers, joggers and bicyclists move up and down the curving street over looking the hills and valleys of the Santa Monica mountain range, Pacific Pallisades neighborhood, and the ocean. Not a bad way to start the day.

The party goes fine and I am home, tired and a bit beat, at around 6PM. I just want to crash on the couch and watch the last quarter of the GB/NYG game. I'm so sorry Green Bay doesn't win. NE/GB would have been an awesome Superbowl. Okay, just my opinion. I still want to watch it and see New England go all the way to an undefeated season and a Superbowl victory. That will be one for the records!

So anyway, you see why I'm tired today?

What a week. And as I sit and wait for the news tomorrow, and as I write this, I just got an email from my agent that I have an audition tomorrow. So it goes. I'm a working actor in Hollywood. And life is good.

I'll let you know what happens with the movie tomorrow, or as soon as I hear.

Noel

PS - see why I don't write everyday? I go on and on and on. It takes too long. Maybe someday I will write a book. It's one of my goals.

incontrovertible ®

Pictured above is incontrovertible ® , a piece of art by Xavier Cazares Cortez. Xavier is one of the three artists whose work is now hanging at the Patricia Correia Gallery in Bergamont Station, Santa Monica, CA. I was working as an art installer at the gallery last week. Xavier installed his show himself, I was only there to assist. The other two artists dropped off their work and I hung it, per Patricia's directions. That's what art installers do.

The opening was last night. In French, that would be a Vernissage. Vernissages are very fun. Ils sont tres chouette. Openings are also a lot of fun. You meet fun people. You have lots of laughs. I went to lots of Vernissages in Paris when I lived there. I miss Paris. I want to go back more often. We are going in November for Kris' Birthday. Yeah!

I had to miss the opening because I had to go to my other job, being a cater-waiter. I read about it in the paper though. It sounds like it was crazy. The LA Weekly said over 3000 people showed up and traffic was backed up all the way to the freeway at the Cloverfield exit. Lots of star sighting, lots of fun. Good times. I had to miss it. I had to miss the after party. I had to miss hanging out with my friends. F*ck'g day jobs.

I want to be free to party and go to cool places and hang out with cool people like me. Arghhh. I want to be in the jet set. Flying off to Sundance for the weekend. Attend an opening of a friend's show in Rome for the day. Attend a protest march in Manhattan, then go to Elaine's for drinks. That's what I want to do.

Last night, instead of being at the Vernissage, I worked a Bat Mitzvah. I have a lot to say about working as a cater-waiter at parties. I ranted and went on for 1/2 hour this morning to Kris when she asked how my night was. If I tried to recount the whole night again, here in this blog, right now, I'd still be writing in an hour, and frankly I don't want to work so hard tonight. I'm tired. I worked my ass off this week. I want to go watch some football. I recorded some of the playoff games yesterday and today, and I'm gonna go watch some. Even though I already know the outcome of the games, I can speed through it and just watch the cool parts. Maybe tomorrow I'll do my patented Waitergonebad® rant on being a waiter. It's fun.

And you know, for how hard I worked, I really got very little for it. Not as much as I think I'm worth, at least. And not that I blame the people I work for. it's not entirely their fault. It's America, baby.

In case you didn't know it, we are in a recession in America. Stagnant wages is one proof of a recession. I've said for years how crazy it is that in 1989 when I was a cater-waiter in New York City I made $16 dollars an hour plus tips. At the time, I was happy because the same job in Chicago paid only 10 -12 dollars an hour. But my rent in 1989, in Manhattan, was $425 a month. I shared a railroad apartment in Hell's Kitchen with my friend Chris. Now, I'm a cater waiter in Los Angeles, in 2008, and I still make $16 dollars an hour plus tips. Look at how the salary has stood still for 19 years. In Los Angeles, today, our rent is $2000 a month. I make the same amount of money but my rent has increased almost 400%. Am I the only person who is bothered by that? Hello! Is this microphone on!!!!!

Oh, yeah, back to incontrovertible ®. Xavier gave me the piece at the end of the day, when he was installing his show. It was midnight. I was going home. I'd been working for 12 hours. Xavier was still working. He asked me if I wanted a piece of art and gave me a choice of five small pieces he makes. I chose incontrovertible® because it reminded me that my eyes are changing. It reminded me that a few months ago I visited the eye doctor and got a new prescription for glass lenses, but I haven't been able to afford getting the new glasses. Yeah, $16 dollars an hour doesn't go very far these days.

Xavier stenciled my name on the back and wrote, "The work of art in the age of the mechanical reproduction" He initialed it. It is # 7/250.

I like the word incontrovertible. It means:

incontrovertible |inˌkäntrəˈvərtəbəl| adjective not able to be denied or disputed : incontrovertible proof.

Proof of what, you ask? Yes, indeed.

Noel

Check out www.bikinimoviereview.com Many are. Join the crowd.

What a week!

I worked at an art gallery all week in Santa Monica. 41 hours in 4 days, so there was no time to write. Fun work, being an "installer", hanging around art and artists all day. Beats clearing dishes and bussing tables at a Bat Mitzva. Oh, yeah, I forgot, that's tonights job.

Anyway, I wasn't around all week, so I couldn't write. When I did get home, about midnight, I had to do all my other chores, go through the audition break downs and submit myself for future work. The gallery job was a blessing, but I also missed three auditions and my agent is probably pissed. Oh well, when she pays my rent I won't have to take a day job.

I have an audition this morning in a few minutes, so I gotta run. Its for a creature-feature. You know, car breaks down in the desert, monster comes at night to kill, the survivors have to figure out how to stay alive. I'd love to do a film like that. I'll let you know.

I never heard back from the hosting job for the food pilot. Shit, I would have loved that one. You can't get too attached to anything, you know? The actor's life is funny. Sure you want every job you audition for, but you know you won't get it. You're happy for the ones you do get, and the rest you just have to let go.

GLPNTmz#sdkFop*ritunvDdf&Vnld@iftunZweqrnXgensssssss !!!!! That was the sound of me letting go!

What do you have to let go of?

Thanks for your comments! I carry the letter with me.

Hurry up and be successful!

Letter to myself on this Sunday in January, 2008:

Dear Noel,

How are you? How was work last night as a waiter? It sucked didn't it? Yeah, I feel ya. So if you hate it so much, why don't you do something about it? Stop talking and start walking, no running, towards the life you want.

Why don't you get off you arse and change your life? Concentrate all your powers and laser beam the forces of life and creative energy to where you want them. Send out lightening bolts of intention to the places they need to go most.

You know what you want and what you have to do. See it happening and let the seeing guide you to the making it happen.

The car is an amazing machine. Almost effortlessly you turn a small key, you push a pedal with your foot, and turn a wheel with one hand, and you can travel thousands of miles. That is your life. Now imagine the car won't start, the key won't turn, nothing happens when you push the pedal. It's not running, and you have to push the car to a repair shop. How's that going for you? Pushing the car up hill? Not very easy, is it? So stop being in effort and just turn the key and point all your intentions in the right direction.

Or, just sit back and pretend it will go on its own and go to work as a waiter and be in pain.

What do you want to do, let things get so bad that you can't see the future? Or change things now so you can say you almost let things go too far but at the last minute found the courage to have the success you deserve? Which one sounds better on Entertainment Tonight? The loser story or the winner story? I think you know. I know you can do it.

Hey, I don't care about writer strikes and bad economic times, successful people will always have success no matter what is going on. That is what you have to be now. A successful person in successful times.

I'm only writing this to you because I know what you are going through. I know things look bleak sometimes, and I know you like that, being on the dark side. But now it's time to see the light.

This little pep talk sounds kind of like Kris doesn't it? She is the positive light in your life, isn't she? Well, she's there for you and really wants you to succeed too! So do it for you!

Print this out and keep it in your wallet so you don't forget it. I know you can do it.

Let me know how this goes for you. Write soon,

Noel

Coffee In Bed

Kris and I are drinking coffee and tea in bed. Its a thing we started a few months ago that we have made a daily ritual. The first one up puts on the water, makes the coffee and tea, and brings it to the other - in bed. It's like that old game you play with fortune cookies; add " in bed" after reading the fortune. "I'd like a cup of coffee please, in bed!"

Coffee in bed is a lot of fun. I thought I might have spilled some coffee by now, but I haven't. We sit up, we sip, we talk. We play pleasant music in the background. A calming cup of coffee. Ah, how I love coffee. Did you know coffee makes you smart?

We used to get up and drink our coffee and tea, and we would go straight to the computer and start checking email and working. That was okay, and some days I still have to do that, if I have to go to work early. But most days now we start like this, a little John and Yoko moment, a little togetherness moment, a little peace and quiet before the hustle and the bustle.

Today Kris got up first. I was groggy. I was still thinking about my dreams. I was still thinking about the movie we saw last night (Mira Nair's The Namesake - Three Pears on the Bikini Movie Review). I heard all the familiar morning sounds; water running into the tea pot, electric igniter turning the flame on on the range, flame going on, cups being washed. Then I smelled the coffee as the steaming water hit the grinds in my French press carafe.

Then Kris brings me a cup of coffee. I sit up, we get the pillows all situated just right. Lately we've also started reading blog entries to each other. Usually Kris reads me her blog entry from the day before and all the comments she gets. She thinks I don't read her blog because I'm so busy, but really its because I like her to read it to me in bed.

We are our small daily rituals. What are some of your small daily rituals? How many of them can you do in bed?

2008 - Day 2 - Holidays are over!

Thank god the holidays are over. I'm tired of all this forced good cheer and peace and love and shit. Let's get back to normal, and quick.

So anyway, I just have a few minutes, I have to get back to work. I have an audition on Friday for a new TV show, and I have to write my own audition. I have to write and host a segment of this new TV show and I have to make it interesting and fabulous! I'm looking forward to it though, because if there was anything I would be perfect for, the host position on this show would be it.

I don't want to go into to many details yet, but its a "how to" kind of show all about food. I'm going to write about something I know; how salmon gets canned. You see I worked in a salmon cannery for two summers when I was younger, so I know all about it. Contrary to popular belief, they don't just put open cans in the water and wait for the salmon to swim into them. No, canneries wait till the fish are caught and brought there. Then the fun begins.

Canneries are really dangerous places. Its cold, its wet, there are sharp knives and dangerous machines everywhere. The cement floors are wet and covered with fish slime, oil and guts. People work long hours. They are tired and cranky. They throw fish guts at each other and make bad jokes. Oh, and the coffee sucks.

12 hours of gutting fish on the slime line is a horrendous job. Its repetitive and hard on the body. You are always cold as the temperature inside has to be kept low to maintain the product. It's wet; there is water spraying everywhere. Standing on a cement floor in rubber boots, up to your ankles in fish guts, wearing a rain slick over the warmest clothes you have, you really can start to hate fish. I bet the fish would hate us more though, if they were still alive and were capable of such thoughts. Anyway, when the salmon are running and the cannery is in full operation, it can be a very exciting place. Everyone is working, everyone is partying, and everyone is thinking about what they'll do when the season is over and they have some money.

After my second year in the cannery, after 56 straight days of work, after putting in 110 to 115 hours on the clock each week, I was able to go to Paris and live for about six months on the money I made in 9 weeks. Not a bad trade-off.

When gutting a fish, you stick a knife in its belly and rip up from one end to the other. Then, spreading its fleshy sides, remove the internal organs from esophagus to anus. Sometimes I found interesting things they ate recently, like rocks and stones, but I once found a coin inside a fish. I don't remember what happened to it. I also remember seeing fish with bear claw marks on them. They escaped the bear, but ran into a net. Oh, well.

Fish destined to be sold fresh or fresh frozen had to be treated delicately to maintain their integrity, and therefore, the highest price.

Fish destined for the cannery are treated with less care, and they are sent to machines to be headed, gutted, finned and prepped for canning. The name of the machine that did all that in one smooth flow was the "Chink". Not very PC now a days, but it harkens back to another time, to the beginning of the cannery era, when most of the workers were Chinese laborers. I found a picture of a cannery in operation in 1908, and the caption read, "Iron Chink at work..." In 1984, it was still called the Chink. Dangerous machine that one. I saw a guy stick his hand in too far to retrieve a fish and get his arm broken. He was trying to stop a fish from clogging the works. Bad decision, made because he was over tired and not thinking clearly. He was lucky in one respect; after getting back from the hospital with his arm in a cast, the cannery found a soft dry cushy job for him for the rest of the season. Better than paying unemployment for them, I guess.

Anyway, after the fish are prepped, they get chopped up and put in cans, skin bones and all. The chopped fish are sent down to the "piano bar", that's a line where the chopped fish are spread out nice and evenly so they fall evenly into the cans. The workers on the "piano bar" quickly spread the flesh with both hands as it goes down a conveyor, and it kind of looks like they are playing a key board, hence the name, the piano bar. I subbed on that line a little, though it was mostly women.

After the cans are filled and before they are sealed, they go down another line where workers, again mostly women, remove flesh from the overfilled cans and put flesh in the lighter cans. A can too full may not seal properly, and a can too light won't weigh enough.

The filled cans are then sealed, and sent to the oven where they are baked for 90 - 120 minutes at a high temperature. This will kill all bacteria, and also soften the bones and skins and makes them edible. Salmon is a unique fish in that there are not too many bones, they can be eaten, and when the consumer opens the can it has a pleasant look to it.

So, that's cannery 101 in a nutshell.

Anyway, I got to go write a fish story, and you have to go back to whatever it is you do. What do you do anyway?

If you ever worked at a cannery, write me and tell me about it.

Happy New year 2008

Hi World:

Well, after almost six months of inactivity on this blog, welcome to 2008. I sure am glad to have a new year ahead of me. 2007 was great, but 2008 will be even greater. I just know it.

2007 was my first full year, end to end, in Los Angeles. I really like living here, even with all the challenges. I love the potential and the opportunity that exists around every corner.

2008 will be the year my new project, the one I said I would tell you about six months ago, will really take off. In 2007, Kris and I started Bikini Movie Review, a fun movie review and comedy website featuring women in bikinis reading movie reviews and just having a lot of fun. Please check it out and pass it on to your friends.

2008 is an election year. I'm looking forward to participating in the democratic process of voting and electing a new president.

2008 will be the year I book a television show guest star spot, a national commercial, and another feature film role. That's what I want, that's what I'm going to have.

2008 will be the year I play more music.

2008 will be the year I work even harder.

2008 will be the year I get out of debt.

2008 will be the year I write in this blog everyday.

I hope you have a great 2008 and let me know what you want and if you get it.

Peace.

Noel