Tuesday, February 12, 2008

411 on the 911

I worked in Santa Monica today at the art gallery installing a new show. Driving home at about 7PM on the eastbound 10, I had to dodge a filing cabinet that was in the middle lanes. Pretty scary to have such a huge piece of debris on a busy highway. Probably fell off the back of one of those junk trucks. You know the trucks; an old jalopy of a pick-up with old doors on the sides so they can hold more junk, crammed full of all kinds of junk metal and tied down with a kite string? I love those guys, but I will never drive behind them because I always assume their load is going to fall off any second.

I assumed the debris had already been reported to the California Highway Patrol, but just to make sure, I called 911 anyway. In California, 911 is answered by the CHP and then calls are routed from there to the appropriate authority.

But here is the deal, and I think this is pretty scary. The call to 911 was answered by a machine that told me if this is a real emergency to press or say one, and then repeated the same message in Spanish. I did nothing, so the message repeated itself. Finally I said "one".

There was a series of clicks and noises and then another recording told me that all operators were busy and I should stay on the line. "Please stay on the line and an operator will be with you shortly". The same message was then repeated in Spanish. Following that was a series of clicks and then the sound of a phone ringing. After eight rings, the same recording came back on telling me that all operators are busy and to stay on the line. This happened at least four times, and my call wasn't answered by a human being until four minutes and thirty five seconds after I placed the call.

It was rather amusing to think what would have happened if this had been a real emergency. Is there, I wondered, another secret number for getting through in case of a REAL emergency?

Is the system privatized? Are the operators in Mumbai or Delhi? That could be a problem, no?

Here is a new message I thought of while waiting on hold.

If you have been shot, press one.
If you are holding your internal organs in your hand, press two.
If you are having a heart attack, press three.
If your house is on fire, please press four.
If you are being molested, please press five.
If you are being chased by a terrorist, please press six.
If you would like to be connected directly to a funeral home, press seven.
To hear music on hold, press eight.
To repeat these options, press nine.
For all other emergencies, please stay on the line and an operator will assist you in the order your call was received.

When an operator finally did assist me, he told me that they already had that incident on record and an officer was on the way. Whew, I feel better knowing that.

Ah, Los Angles, looking and feeling more like the movies Blade Runner or Brazil everyday.

Anyway, I made it home, and hopefully if I really do need to make a 911 call someday, and I hope I don't, it will go a little better than that.

Hey, did you hear the good news? The writers strike is finally over. Call 911!

2 comments:

Kris Cahill said...

Hooray! There is a tag going around and you are IT. Details at my blog.

Anonymous said...

You know what's funny scary? That was pretty a sketch from a Simpsons episode.