Responsibility

Responsibilty. I spent much of the day being really, really, responsible. It wasn’t very much fun. When I get stuck in these responsibility pictures, where I have to “do” so much, because no one else will, or can, I get very “serious”. Serious Noel is not always a fun guy to be around. I sometimes “talk” to the people who should be doing what I’m doing, who should be helping, but aren’t. I start to get very angry. I found myself yelling today while crossing the parking lot at the Jewel. Then I laughed at myself, found my amusement, and moved on.

What would happen if I wasn’t so responsible? Well, the world would collapse, right? Wrong. It’s my fault, really. I should just stop being so responsible for others. “What’s up with him, that’s not like him”, they’d say. And they’d be right; it’s not like me. I’m tired of being the responsible one. I quit. I just want to be responsible for me. That’s what draws me more and more to acting. I’m only responsible for my lines, for my body, for my part. That seems so easy compared to what I’ve been doing for the last 9 years. It’s time for a change.

Part of the day was spent thinking about Edinburgh and the trip. Part of it was spent packing, making sure nothing is in my bag that shouldn’t be. I don’t want any surprises at the airport.

Part of the day was spent working on the Teen Footlighters web site. Steve put up a message board that I linked to the site. I’d been thinking about doing that for a year, today just seemed like the right time. I need to be irresponsible for a little while.

I called Mickey H today. He sounded good. He was in good spirits. I told him about the website and the pictures I used, and he thought that was great. I asked him if he knew what a website was, and he admitted he didn’t. How refreshing. He hates the nursing home, and in his mind, he thinks he may leaves someday. But I think he knows deep down he won’t. I told him about Edinburgh and he was very excited for me. I told him I’d be wearing my St. Genesius medal on stage each night, and he was happy. He gave me that medal, some thirty years ago. I can’t imagine going on stage with out it.

Responsibilty.