The horse is dead, you can stop beating it.

Americans are so body conscious...or should I say hung-up. That's it. Hey, America; why are you so HUNG UP!

Rather than focus on the bigger problem of Whole Body Scanning (x-raying) all domestic air travelers, some American's are getting hung up on the idea that they will be seen naked.

That is scary. We should be scared. First, it's going to be the TSA. And we all have experienced the pleasure of the TSA. If ever there was a profession that was tailor fit for dementors, it would be with the TSA. They can suck the life out of you pretty easily.

And the first thing I thought was what does this picture look like? What are they seeing? If it's going to be anything like seeing a fat woman at the mall in skin tights pants, I hope they get paid well for that. It may lead to a new disease. Fatosis - Fatty and psychosis. From seeing too many fatties.

Yeah, that's right people, you should be scared. Some eighteen dollar an hour TSA worker will be looking at all your junk and deciding if you need a pat down or not. This is the same worker who can't join a union. Thank you Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) Sen Jim believes if TSA unionizes it will be easier for terrorists to get past the TSA. Huh? What have you been smoking, Jim? Feeling paranoid? Are there spiders on the wall? Dude, you're tripping.

If I worked for the TSA, yeah now that's a thought, but if I did, I might like that there is now a new way to fuck with people. Or maybe, during a pat down, you might meet someone?

So, no one knows which way this thing is gonna go. Will all passengers have to go through it? Only certain passengers as a secondary screener? Does that mean profiling? And really, don't we do that already. Do we really need to pull Grandma and Grandpa out of line? Is Joan Rivers really a threat? And which passengers are we really talking about? Your children? A new born? A down syndrome adult? Only middle eastern men?

Have you ever been interrogated at an airport by an Israeli security agent? I was, in Amsterdam. They get in your face and they look at you. They look at you up and down and they see you better than any body scan machine. They do a brain scan, and they do a damn fine job. If you got a bomb on your junk - they're gonna know it.

So why don't we have that level of security guards? Why don't we have screeners who are trained professionals? Who wear well fit designer suits and look like they all could kill you by twitching. Well, most likely because they are well trained, well paid, and the job comes with good benefits. Ah, with health care! That costs money. No we can't do that. We can't put the money into people! No, instead Americans build a cheap ass machine, as cheap as possible, and then put low paid workers with little training in front of the monitors.

But Israel trains their people and then they send them out into the world to train others and perform those same tasks for other countries who don't or won't do it themselves. And they do it because we pay for it. Time we paid for it here!

And if they ram this down our throats, you know they are gonna need to sell it to us Madison Avenue style.

Christ, I see it now. Fox evening news; "here's a smiling baby, held by a beautiful smiling young conservative mother going through the body scan. See, its easy." And the zombie talking heads will then make a bad joke about a poopie diaper, and we'll all laugh, and it will be okay.

I'm gonna puke. Then I'm gonna eat my puke so I can puke again. Fuck heads.

Speaking of how many of us fly in America, I looked around, and I found these numbers:

1 "Published: June 25, 1997
"AIRLINE passenger loads show no signs of easing, and in fact carriers have already boarded millions more passengers this year than last, when a record 581.2 million passengers flew."


2 "the airlines carried 745.7 million passengers on their total systems during 2005, up from the 712.6 million carried in 2004. During the first nine months of 2005, U.S. airlines carried 5.9 percent


3 "Bureau of Transportation - RITA - Total On-Flight Market Passengers Enplaned 468,777,039

So, 1996 - 581.2 million passengers. 2005 - 745.7 million passengers. 2009 - 468.7 million passengers

So that means that air travel is below levels last seen in 1996. And what does that mean? I haven't a clue. But I do know this; if everyone has to go through a scan, it is going to be a drag for everybody.(©noelolken)

For some people it will be on grounds of invasion of privacy. For some the radiation levels are a concern. For some it's civil liberties. For some, it's a religious issue. For some it will be the extra time it will take. So many reasons.

I hope America comes to it's senses soon. Why do we all have to go through this when the incident that started it, as serious as it is, didn't originate in this country, and probably wouldn't have been detected by this machine anyway. So why are we doing this? There is a grayed out area that covers the "junk". So what would that have done? Is it too cynical to think that it's just to sell machines? Who is gonna get these contracts and how much will it be worth? And will the machines be made here in America? Or will they be made overseas? China? The horse is dead, you can stop beating it.

ABC's Aaron Katersky Reports: "On June 4, 2009 the U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill, H.R. 2200, that would limit the use of whole-body imaging (WBI) systems in airports."

Wow! Only six months ago they got shut down by the Congress, that bold group of leaders we call Politicians. It goes on..."The amendment prohibits the use of full-body scanners as a primary screening method. They can be used as secondary screening and in such a case “would require the TSA to give passengers the option of a pat-down search in lieu of going through a WBI machine.”

Well that's nice, now we have options! Radiation or humiliation.

"We have a special today, radiation and a thorough pat down, comes with continental breakfast buffet only 6.99, cash or credit?"

Now I have to tell you, it may come as a surprise to some, but in my past I was profiled as a terrorist by many civilian and military police officers all over the world. Being a long haired, dark skin traveler in the 1980's in Europe just lent it self to that. Sure it was popular to travel, sure many people were doing it, but if you looked like me, you got pulled out of line a lot. If you were a bubbly blond with a Canadian flag sewn to your back pack, not so much.

One time I was taken off a train on my way to the airport in France, taken to a holding room at the station, and strip searched. Had my cavity examined. My anal cavity.

Once I was pushed up against the cold ceramic tile walls in a Parisian Metro station and had a machine gun thrust in my face.

Once I was terrorized by German Shepards as the police went through my vehicle.

The French Police had there way with me often, but I also had encounters with the German Police, the Swiss Police, Italian Polizei, and Greek officers. I was strip searched a total of three times, and countless pat downs and having my bags and pockets searched. It's not fun. And I was not a terrorist. Well, one cop in New Orleans must have thought my playing was a terrorist act - he arrested me for it.

So look, there are lots of reasons not to like this idea, but body image problems shouldn't really be a major one. If you got a problem with someone seeing your outline, maybe you ought to hit the gym.

I imagine there are lots of people who will like the experience. Get off on it. I wonder if it's against the law to look the screener right in the eye and wink, or lick your lips? If not, it probably will be. Gosh we love laws in this country. Think we have enough of them?

Hey this will make a good porn video. Vivid, if you're reading this and if you want my story, give me a call, I'd love to direct it. I could write the script tomorrow, we can shoot it over the weekend, we could get the DVD on line next Friday. Let's go. I'll cut my usual rate. I need work.

I know I won't fly anywhere soon unless I absolutely have to, but, sure, I'll do it, if I have to. Air travel is a privilege, not a right. If you don't want to do it, you don't have to. You can take a steamer to Paris. Go ahead. Book passage today. Prices are going up soon.©noelolken