Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Get Off The Phone!


I was recently pulled over on the freeway in Los Angeles for talking on a phone while driving. I was holding a "phone" in my hand, that's true, but I wasn't talking.

Like most states these days, talking while driving is a ticket-able offense, and in California the fine can be anywhere from 150 - 200 dollars. That's a lot of money. But you know the awful feeling you get when you are about to be pulled over by the cops? Well, I wasn't feeling it. In fact, I was laughing so hard, and the passenger in the van with me was laughing so hard, it was like a funny movie.

I was coming back from a catering gig in Beverly Hills, a brunch for some Hollywood royalty, and I had been up since 5 AM. It was a slightly over the top brunch that was rather quick and mostly painless. Our "kitchen" was on the loading dock of a BH office building. As the dumpsters were right next to us on the dock, when I was throwing some trash away I saw a box with some office supplies. As I am a recovering scrounger, I couldn't help but check out the contents; there were some old computer cables, a paper tray, some old files, and lookie here, an old telephone handset. I grabbed a cable and the handset and sticking one end of the cable into my apron pocket, I held the phone and pretended to be talking on my "new cell phone". Very funny right? Ha ha.

So as I'm driving the van back to the shop I'm goofing around with the handset. I admit I like having an audience (Kris says that why I married her) so I like that the chef, Jen, was cracking up every time I pulled up at a red light and pretended to talk on my "phone" for other drivers to see me.

So we're on the 10 East heading towards downtown and I see I'm about to pass a co-workers car, so I slowed down and pulled beside Micah and Rachel and pretended to talk on my "phone". All of a sudden a CHP car pulls next to Micah's car and looks at me on the "phone".

I put down the phone pretty quick, but the squad car maneuvers behind me, and I see Rachel in the other car look freaked out. The lights come on and I hear the cop tell me to pull over at the next exit.

We were on the 10 E heading into the 110 North interchange where there is no easy exit for a few miles. So the officer is following me in this slow traffic on the interchange and Jen is cracking up and we are laughing and I am not bothered at all by this hilarious situation.

He finally directs me to exit at 9th Street and pull over. He gets out of his car and walks over to the passenger side of the van. Jen rolls down her window and he says " Do you know why I pulled you over? You were talking on a cell phone."

I reached over to the center console and picked up the handset and said, "You mean this?"

I so wish I had a picture of his face when he saw the cordless handset. It was classic. It was a combination of shock, surprise, and embarrassment. I could see he was quickly trying to assess how much the others CHIPS would make fun of him if he wrote me a ticket.

I started telling him that we are coming back from a catering gig and I found this phone and I was goofing around with a co-worker and I wasn't really talking on the phone.

Then he asks, "Do you have a cell phone in the car"? Yes, but its in my pocket.

Let me see your license. He looks at it and writes something on a piece of paper and says, "You're lucky, I'm gonna let you off with a warning". Then he asks if I know how to get back on the freeway from here. He was very nice.

Now I agree it was nice he let me go without a ticket, but I wonder what he could have written a ticket for? Illegal use of a hand prop? Aggravated mimery? Clowning with a permit?

I have been living in LA for five years and that was the first time I have been pulled over by the cops. I hope it will always be so pleasant.

Safe driving everyone!

(staged photo re-enactment by Rachel Rath)

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